Should You Dress for Yourself or Others? Let's Talk About It
There's a lot of noise out there about what people should wear, whether certain colors go best, and whether you should wear casual vs. formal attire.
Should You Dress for Yourself or Others? Let's Talk About It
Tatyana Wilson, MA, EDS, SHRM-CP, helps people make great impressions with science-backed approaches and a carefully curated wardrobe of biologically correct colors, good tailoring, and elevated accessories. She writes at www.lightlovescolor.com.
We’re constantly bombarded by mixed messages about whether we should dress for ourselves or others. This seemingly simple question has a lot of layers, and it’s one we all face when we stand in front of our closet each morning.
There’s the extreme of dressing based only on concern for ourselves. We might prioritize comfort, sexuality, temperature, favorite colors, brands, or aesthetics. We might decide to wear yoga pants and flip-flops everywhere we go. These are all our choices. Most of us live in countries where we can choose what we wear.
There’s the other extreme where, even outside of actual uniforms, we have very little autonomy about what we wear. This is seen in very conservative careers like finance/banking, politics, and law. Even if we’re not people-pleasers, we absolutely have to look the part for even the slightest chance of success in these roles.
The world is also full of advice on how we should dress—rules about colors, cuts, trends, and occasions. Everyone seems to have a perfect solution. Whether it’s a capsule wardrobe, a new wardrobe every season, or magic pieces that are supposed to work for all occasions, everyone seems to think they know how we should dress. It’s enough to make one’s head spin!
So, in a sea of contradictions, ever-changing guidelines, and mixed messages, how can we ever really know? It’s important to step back and ask, "What do I really want?” And “What does what I wear say about who I am and what I can accomplish?”
The Science Behind Dressing for Ourselves vs. Others
We already know that the clothes we wear influence how we feel about ourselves. Studies have long suggested that “enclothed cognition”—the psychological phenomenon where the clothes we wear affect our thoughts and behavior—is real. So, when you dress for yourself, you're dressing to enhance how you want to feel. You’re setting your day up to be in alignment with your inner self.
But here’s the hard reality: We’re not isolated beings. We live in a social world, and how we present ourselves sends strong signals to others. These signals can often make or break the exact connections we might need to succeed.
That’s where the question of dressing for others comes in. Research on first impressions tells us that people make snap judgments about us based on our appearance—sometimes before a word is even spoken. And these judgments influence how we’re treated, what opportunities we’re given, and how we form connections.
Do you need to appear polished and professional for work? Do you want to skip to the front of the line when it comes to trust, confidence, and dependability? Do you want “a high credit score” on your credibility? Mind your clothes!
So, Why Does It Matter?
At the end of the day, both approaches are important. Dressing for ourselves gives us the power to own our day, our mood, and our confidence. Dressing for others ensures that the signals we’re sending align with the goals we want to achieve. But here’s the beautiful truth: We don’t have to choose one over the other.
By understanding how our clothes affect both our personal energy, confidence, and state of mind and how others perceive us, we can create a style that’s uniquely ours—one that allows us to show up as our most authentic selves while still achieving our goals.
Do You Dress for Yourself or for Others?
It’s easy to feel like you’re caught in between these two worlds—especially with all the external pressures about what we should wear. But the real question is: What does this moment require of you? Can you show up as the best version of yourself, wearing clothes that speak to who you are while still being in alignment with how you want others to perceive you?
Here’s what I know: You can have it all. You can wear what makes you feel confident and empowered while still ensuring that your style communicates the right messages to those around you. When you embrace this balance, you’re creating a style that not only feels great but also aligns with your goals.
So, the next time you stand in front of your closet, ask yourself:
What do I need to feel today?
How do I want others to perceive me in this moment?
How can I dress in a way that feels authentic to me and also serves the situation?
The beauty of this question—Do you dress for yourself or for others?—is that the answer is both. Embrace the opportunity to be intentional with your clothing choices, and remember that your clothes should be a reflection of who you are, what you stand for, and where you want to go.
All of this is not about dressing for anyone else—it’s about dressing for the future you, with confidence, warmth, and purpose. And when you find that sweet spot, you’ll be able to walk through the world in a way that makes people want to listen, collaborate, and engage with you.
“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.”
— Marlene Dietrich
Finding the Balance Between Dressing for Ourselves and Others
The key to striking the perfect balance is intentionality mixed with the hard reality. Here’s how we can approach this conversation in a way that empowers us to feel good about our choices:
Dress for the life you want: Think about the messages you want to send. Are you looking to boost your confidence? Are you dressing for a presentation or a meeting? Or maybe you want to exude warmth for a casual gathering. Your clothing can signal all of these things.
Understand your body and colors: It’s one thing to dress for the occasion, but it’s another to dress in a way that reflects who you are naturally. When you wear colors and cuts that enhance your natural beauty (think biologically correct colors, flattering silhouettes), you’re aligning your inner energy with your outer appearance. This is an essential part of dressing for yourself.
Be authentic: In the world of dress-for-others, the best style is the one that feels like you. Your choices need to come from a place of authenticity so that when you do show up for others, you do so with integrity. Being able to express your personality through clothing adds a layer of warmth and approachability that creates a connection with others.
Clothing as a tool: Clothes are not just about fitting in—they’re a tool to help you communicate. Whether you’re preparing for a job interview or meeting someone new, your clothes send a message that can either make a situation easier or harder. Use them strategically, but always with respect to yourself.
Download my FREE resources for men and women to jumpstart your journey to dressing for success! 📩
Until next time, dress well, my friend!
Tatyana Wilson, MA, EdS, SHRM-CP
Founder, Light Loves Color