Are You Sometimes Unsure If People Like You? Why It Matters and What You Can Do About It + Universal Non-Verbal Cues To Make Lasting Connections
I saw all the popular girls of my class in one big group, and when they saw me, they froze and quickly ran away. “Wait, did they all just run away like they’ve been trying to avoid me?” Ouch!
Are You Sometimes Unsure If People Like You? Why It Matters and What You Can Do About It
Tatyana Wilson, MA, EDS, SHRM-CP helps people make great impressions with science-backed approaches and a carefully curated wardrobe of biologically correct colors, good tailoring, and elevated accessories. She writes at www.lightlovescolor.com.
When I first arrived in the United States as a refugee kid, I didn’t speak the language, and I had no idea how to fit in. I remember feeling so lost. Being a poor refugee certainly didn’t give me a pass to the cool kids' club, so I was often left out. One of my more hurtful memories as a new kid was when our whole class went to a theme park on an end-of-year trip. I hung out with some of my favorite adults and had a great day. However, at the end of the day on the way back to the buses, I saw the popular girls of my class in one big group and when they saw me, they froze and quickly ran away. “Wait, did they all just run away like they’ve been trying to avoid me?” It’s not paranoia when it’s true. Ouch!
The harsh reality is that when you’re new to a place—especially a place where you don’t look or speak a certain way—it’s easy to feel invisible. I was disregarded not based on my character or my capabilities; but based purely on the surface. How I looked, how I carried myself, and how I communicated—or didn’t communicate—was the first thing others noticed.
I want to be very clear here: I’m not bitter about that experience. In fact, as I grew up in the same grade level for years, playing on the same sports teams and getting familiar with everyone, things equalized. These experiences as an outsider, however, remind me of the importance of impressions and how to be more intentional in them when we have the ability to do so.
I look back on all my experiences with gratitude because they gave me a deep understanding of something that has become central to my work today: the power of how we present ourselves. And not just our outer appearance but also the way we show up in the world with our energy, our communication, and our authenticity.
You see, I eventually learned something very important. Humans—whether they realize it or not—make quick judgments about us before we even speak. In fact, the first few seconds of an interaction are crucial, and our brains are wired to pick up on things like confidence, warmth, and capability. This was something I didn’t know back then, but as I began to study human behavior and image consulting, I realized that the way we present ourselves—the way we dress, carry ourselves, and communicate—affects how we’re perceived. And it affects how we perceive ourselves too.
When I was growing up, I had to work hard to overcome the belief that I wasn’t enough. But as I dug deeper into the science of people—how we form impressions, how we communicate, and how we connect—I realized something powerful: I could change the way I was perceived. And that power lies in being intentional about how we present ourselves to the world. This doesn’t just mean choosing the right clothes—it’s about being aligned with our authentic selves, knowing who we are and what we offer, and showing up confidently and authentically every day.
That’s why I took intensive training from one of the best image consultants on the planet, The Image Architect, Sandy Dumont. That’s why I decided to continue her work when I was given that opportunity. That’s why I started Light Loves Color. The journey to get here wasn’t easy, but it was transformative. I went from being the shy, uncertain person who felt invisible, to becoming someone who could communicate clearly, confidently, and powerfully with others—whether in a job interview, a social setting, or a professional setting.
I didn’t just learn how to dress for success or look good for the sake of it. I realized that when we dress and present ourselves intentionally, we’re aligning our internal and external selves. It’s like having a well-tailored suit for your personality—a suit that fits you, makes you feel good and helps you radiate the confidence you need to succeed.
I also learned something critical about the world around us: people are constantly looking for clues. What we wear, how we speak, how we interact—it all tells a story about who we are. If we aren’t mindful of those clues, others will fill in the blanks for us. And sometimes, those blanks aren’t the story we want to tell. That’s why it’s essential to take ownership of how we show up. It’s about more than just clothes. It’s about showing up with authenticity, clarity, and confidence in everything we do.
Now, as an Image Consultant, SHRM-certified HR professional, and Adjunct Professor, I put all my strategies together for how I carry myself. I help others discover how they can transform their personal style, communication, and overall presence to achieve their career and personal goals based on science-backed strategies. And while the lessons I’ve learned about personal style are important, the most important lesson I’ve learned is that true success and fulfillment come from being aligned with who we really are.That’s the power of authenticity.
You can’t be successful in your career, your relationships, or in life if you’re not being your true, authentic self. So, whether you’re struggling with your style, your communication, or even your mindset, remember this: dig deep inside yourself. Align your outer self with your inner self and always allow the world to see the best version of you by being intentional of how you show up.
Through Light Loves Color, I want to continue helping you discover how you can show up as your best self. I’ve seen it firsthand: when you become clear about who you are and intentional about how you present yourself, the world will start to open up for you. You’ll attract the right opportunities, build stronger relationships, and become a person who is respected, trusted and heard.
Universal Non-Verbal Cues To Make Lasting Connections
I usually talk about which colors and garments to wear to make a great impression, but today, I want to show you which body language cues to use to make the most positive impressions and authentic connections with others whether you travel or stay home.
In an increasingly globalized world, our ability to connect with others across cultures is more valuable than ever. Whether you’re a traveler, a business leader, or someone simply looking to strengthen personal interactions, understanding universal communication cues can make all the difference. Science-backed research from one of my favorite behavioral experts, Vanessa Van Edwards, provides fascinating insights into the unspoken signals that transcend language barriers—plus some subtle cues to avoid depending on where you are.
The Power of Universal Cues
Human connection often happens before a single word is spoken. From trust-building to first impressions, certain nonverbal behaviors are universally recognized and welcomed in most cultures. Here are a few cues that help foster connection, no matter where you go:
The Genuine Smile (The Duchenne Smile)
A smile is one of the most universally understood gestures of warmth and approachability. However, research differentiates between a genuine (Duchenne) smile—one that reaches the eyes—and a forced smile, which may appear inauthentic.
Tip for Travelers: In many Western cultures, smiling is a social default, while in some Asian and Eastern European countries, excessive smiling at strangers may be viewed as insincere. Aim for a natural, context-appropriate smile.
Eye Contact: The Balancing Act
Eye contact is a powerful trust and dominance cue, signaling attentiveness and respect. In Western cultures, sustained but not overpowering eye contact conveys confidence and engagement. However, in some Asian, African, and Indigenous cultures, direct eye contact—especially with elders or authority figures—can be perceived as disrespectful or aggressive.
Tip for Travelers: Follow the “70/30 Rule”—aim for 70% eye contact when speaking and 30% when listening to create a balance of confidence and approachability.
Open-Hand Gestures (Trust Cues)
Hand gestures help illustrate our words and enhance clarity. Showing open palms while speaking signals honesty and transparency, a cue recognized across cultures. Leaders and speakers who use illustrative gestures (e.g., lightly moving hands in sync with speech) are often perceived as more persuasive.
Tip for Travelers: Avoid excessive or aggressive hand movements in regions where subtle communication is preferred, such as Japan or Nordic countries.
Caution: Nonverbal Cues That Can Backfire
While some gestures promote universal connection, others may have unintended meanings in different cultures. Here are a few cues to use carefully when traveling:
The Thumbs-Up Gesture
In many Western countries, a thumbs-up is a positive affirmation. However, in parts of the Middle East, Greece, and South America, this gesture can be offensive, similar to giving someone the middle finger.
Alternative Cue: A simple nod or an open palm wave can be a safer alternative.
The “OK” Hand Sign
Making a circle with your thumb and forefinger (forming an “O”) means “okay” in the U.S., but in Brazil, Germany, and Turkey, it can be an offensive gesture. In some regions, it is associated with extreme political movements.
Alternative Cue: A verbal confirmation works best to avoid misinterpretation.
Standing Too Close or Too Far
Personal space varies dramatically between cultures. In Latin America and Middle Eastern countries, people may stand closer during conversations, whereas in the U.S. and many parts of Europe, too little space can feel invasive. In Nordic and Asian cultures, people tend to maintain greater physical distance.
Tip for Travelers: Observe local norms and adjust accordingly. When in doubt, mirror the body language of the person you’re engaging with.
Prioritizing Connection and Respect
Understanding and applying universal cues can help break down barriers, build relationships, and navigate social interactions effectively—whether at home or abroad. By being mindful of how we communicate nonverbally, we create genuine connections based on mutual respect rather than assumptions.
Body language and nonverbal signals are as powerful as spoken words in forming impressions. As travelers and global citizens, prioritizing human connection through intentional and adaptive cues allows us to build bridges across cultures—because at the end of the day, people always come before products, trends, or business transactions.
"Body language is a very powerful tool. We had body language before we had speech, and apparently, 80% of what you understand in a conversation is read through the body, not the words."
–Deborah Bull
My Favorite 10 Non-Verbal Cues to Signal Warmth and Competence
(These are from Vanessa Van Edwards’ book Cues.)
Warmth Cues (Building Connection and Trust)
Genuine Smiling (Duchenne Smile)
Why It Works: A real smile that reaches the eyes signals approachability and warmth.
Example: When greeting students or colleagues, smile warmly with slight eye crinkles to establish rapport.
Nodding
Why It Works: A slow, deliberate nod signals active listening and encourages the speaker to continue.
Example: When a student asks a thoughtful question, nod slightly to show you are engaged and value their input.
Head Tilting
Why It Works: Tilting your head slightly conveys interest and curiosity, making you seem more open and receptive.
Example: When someone shares a personal insight, tilt your head to one side while maintaining eye contact.
Mirroring
Why It Works: Subtly copying someone’s gestures or expressions builds subconscious connection and trust.
Example: If a student leans forward in conversation, gently lean forward as well to create a sense of alignment.
Open Palm Gestures
Why It Works: Keeping your palms visible and facing upwards signals honesty, openness, and approachability.
Example: When explaining a concept, use open-hand gestures rather than pointing or crossing your arms.
Competence Cues (Projecting Authority and Confidence)
Power Posture
Why It Works: Standing or sitting tall with shoulders back conveys confidence and authority.
Example: Before starting a lecture, take a deep breath, roll your shoulders back, and stand in a firm stance.
Lower Lid Flex
Why It Works: Slightly narrowing your lower eyelids signals deep focus and intellectual engagement.
Example: When emphasizing an important point, subtly flex your lower eyelids to reinforce the message’s weight.
Steepling (Fingertips Together, Hands Raised Slightly)
Why It Works: This gesture projects certainty and self-assuredness without appearing aggressive.
Example: During a discussion, steeple your hands while pausing to show you are considering responses carefully.
Controlled Gesturing
Why It Works: Purposeful, deliberate hand gestures enhance verbal clarity and reinforce key messages.
Example: While presenting, use smooth, controlled gestures to illustrate your points instead of excessive hand movements.
Firm, Slow Movements
Why It Works: Moving deliberately rather than fidgeting or shifting erratically signals composure and thoughtfulness.
Example: Instead of pacing quickly around a classroom, walk slowly and intentionally to command attention.
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Until next time, dress well, my friend!
Tatyana Wilson, MA, EdS, SHRM-CP
Founder, Light Loves Color